Humor
Kamis, 04 Februari 2016
Sabtu, 26 Oktober 2013
Paypal has made
Paypal has made it workable to quickly and with no trouble transmit money finished the Internet. This allows us to disburse in support of all kinds of purchases with a luck with a reduction of hassle. It plus will allow you, one and all who reads this article, to transmit me, Timothy Ward, $1.00.
Being the cynics with the purpose of you are, I know you're probably asking: "Why be supposed to I transmit you $1.00? I barely even know you. If I hadn't by hook or by crook stumbled on top of this article I wouldn't even control acknowledged with the purpose of you exist. I still don't know how I came across this absurd article, I was irritating to learn my brother-in-law's blog."
Since I know with the purpose of humanoids are by nature untrusting, and I know with the purpose of you can show mercy to the buck, I will without hesitation generously provide 8 reasons why you be supposed to the minute paypal me a buck. I don't think I'll need more than 5 reasons but I like to dedicate group their money's worth. Plus I control a word count to think approaching. So with no extra ado:
(1) Sending me $1.00 will keep you from expenses it on something inane like the mortgage payment. You've been stanchly paying on with the purpose of mortgage in support of years-it's period you had a break. And it'll simply cost you a single greenback.
(2) Donating to a worthy cause can dedicate you freedom from strife of mind which, in bend, will help you to have a lie-down better next to night. Giving me a buck possibly will not be as worthy a cause as, say, giving to the Red Cross, but I potential I will have a lie-down better tonight and many nights thereafter if you transmit me with the purpose of buck.
(3) If I were sitting in front of a swap gossip station smelling of reduced wine and wearing the same clothes I had on what time I lost my job 8 months since, you wouldn't even consider giving me a buck. You would probably tell me to: "Get a chore, ya bum", and so therefore briskly march away, clutching your wallet tightly. I, however, am not sitting in front of a swap gossip station, I'm sitting in front of my television. And I distorted clothes 2 days since.
(4) I need to acquisition a number of Bling Bling! You're merely not in the game if you don't control diamonds in your ears and ice on your collar and wrists. Plus I know a guy who'll dedicate me a terrific deal on a number of gold teeth. But I need more cheese.
(5) Many terrific comedian in history control depended on donations to finance their masterpieces. Your distribution me $1.00 will allow me to figure out the needed examine in support of a tour de force of an article with the purpose of I'm working on called: 'Going Out on Saturday Night and Getting Sloppy Drunk Using Other People's Money'. I'll be certainly to acknowledge you next to the finish.
(6) Fellas, would you more exactly transmit me a buck or control your wife spent it on yet any more put together of black heels? Ladies, would you more exactly your husbands finish it on any more solitary of individuals magazines with the purpose of he keeps in with the purpose of box in his workshop? I idea not.
(7) Time is money. You're already wasting money by taking period to read this article. Another George Washington won't execute you.
(8) The pens and paper I employment to create these articles don't disburse in support of themselves. My superior tempo internect connection with the purpose of I employment to upload these articles isn't limitless. I don't think $1.00 is too much to ask like the scores of articles I control in print and shared with all of cyberspace. After all, if it wasn't in support of my articles you wouldn't escalate the lovely articles in print by others.
So in attendance you control it people. 8 reasons to transmit me $1.00 via Paypal. Since I alleged the majority of you were sold like Reason #5. I escalate you waiting patiently until I finished with the outstanding Reasons ahead of rushing finished to Paypal.Com. Now with the purpose of I control finished record my reasons feel limitless to login and transmit your $1.00 to wailinward@yahoo.Com. And please accelerate, the guy with the gold teeth isn't available to control individuals terrific deals forever...
Being the cynics with the purpose of you are, I know you're probably asking: "Why be supposed to I transmit you $1.00? I barely even know you. If I hadn't by hook or by crook stumbled on top of this article I wouldn't even control acknowledged with the purpose of you exist. I still don't know how I came across this absurd article, I was irritating to learn my brother-in-law's blog."
Since I know with the purpose of humanoids are by nature untrusting, and I know with the purpose of you can show mercy to the buck, I will without hesitation generously provide 8 reasons why you be supposed to the minute paypal me a buck. I don't think I'll need more than 5 reasons but I like to dedicate group their money's worth. Plus I control a word count to think approaching. So with no extra ado:
(1) Sending me $1.00 will keep you from expenses it on something inane like the mortgage payment. You've been stanchly paying on with the purpose of mortgage in support of years-it's period you had a break. And it'll simply cost you a single greenback.
(2) Donating to a worthy cause can dedicate you freedom from strife of mind which, in bend, will help you to have a lie-down better next to night. Giving me a buck possibly will not be as worthy a cause as, say, giving to the Red Cross, but I potential I will have a lie-down better tonight and many nights thereafter if you transmit me with the purpose of buck.
(3) If I were sitting in front of a swap gossip station smelling of reduced wine and wearing the same clothes I had on what time I lost my job 8 months since, you wouldn't even consider giving me a buck. You would probably tell me to: "Get a chore, ya bum", and so therefore briskly march away, clutching your wallet tightly. I, however, am not sitting in front of a swap gossip station, I'm sitting in front of my television. And I distorted clothes 2 days since.
(4) I need to acquisition a number of Bling Bling! You're merely not in the game if you don't control diamonds in your ears and ice on your collar and wrists. Plus I know a guy who'll dedicate me a terrific deal on a number of gold teeth. But I need more cheese.
(5) Many terrific comedian in history control depended on donations to finance their masterpieces. Your distribution me $1.00 will allow me to figure out the needed examine in support of a tour de force of an article with the purpose of I'm working on called: 'Going Out on Saturday Night and Getting Sloppy Drunk Using Other People's Money'. I'll be certainly to acknowledge you next to the finish.
(6) Fellas, would you more exactly transmit me a buck or control your wife spent it on yet any more put together of black heels? Ladies, would you more exactly your husbands finish it on any more solitary of individuals magazines with the purpose of he keeps in with the purpose of box in his workshop? I idea not.
(7) Time is money. You're already wasting money by taking period to read this article. Another George Washington won't execute you.
(8) The pens and paper I employment to create these articles don't disburse in support of themselves. My superior tempo internect connection with the purpose of I employment to upload these articles isn't limitless. I don't think $1.00 is too much to ask like the scores of articles I control in print and shared with all of cyberspace. After all, if it wasn't in support of my articles you wouldn't escalate the lovely articles in print by others.
So in attendance you control it people. 8 reasons to transmit me $1.00 via Paypal. Since I alleged the majority of you were sold like Reason #5. I escalate you waiting patiently until I finished with the outstanding Reasons ahead of rushing finished to Paypal.Com. Now with the purpose of I control finished record my reasons feel limitless to login and transmit your $1.00 to wailinward@yahoo.Com. And please accelerate, the guy with the gold teeth isn't available to control individuals terrific deals forever...
Most of us would
Most of us would bar working if we might. We constantly fancy approaching it, but that's approaching as far as we get-dreaming. Working a 9-5 merely seems inevitable. I, Timothy Ward, however am a master next to defying the inevitable. I stare 'The Inevitable' in the tackle and call him foul names. I say, if you wish for to bar working, STOP WORKING; I'll even dedicate you 5 reasons why you be supposed to.
1. If you bar working you'll control more period to dedicate to evaluation my articles, columns, and lists. This will enable me to befall a household choose down next to the Unemployment and Welfare offices. My fame is a small outlay to disburse in support of you living your dreams. Think approaching this what time you see to it that me on the 'Today Show'.
2. Quitting your job will promote to you feel wonderful. For approaching 10 minutes you'll be on cloud nine, you'll be on top of the earth, you'll be living the lovely life, you'll be: -insert your own cliche here-. Then you'll start worrying approaching the car mention, the mortgage, the kid's drill clothes, provisions, and how you're available to disburse with the purpose of $850 you owe the Petermanns in support of running finished their mailbox and a unbroken row of prize-winning azaleas. All this will probably depress you to the place of assisted suicide, but next to slightest you had 10 minutes of abandon.
3. Daytime television is a number of of the the majority exciting and charming television around. You'll wonder how you perpetually survived with no all individuals quality soap operas, daytime conference shows, and critic shows somewhere you persuade the sinking suspicion with the purpose of the critic has been paid sour. When you bloc this with all the informative commercials with the purpose of air for the period of the daytime with the purpose of will 'Show you how to promote to $1,000 a day of the week stuffing envelopes, 'Teach you to drive a tractor preview in 4 days', 'Allow you to persuade a degree from back home in such exciting fields as GED grounding and septic tank scrubber' and you'll not simply wonder why you didn't stop your job nearer, you'll plus vow to not at all piece again.
4. Taking part in your formerly employed state you missed all individuals weighty calls from collection agencies and other bill collectors. Now with the purpose of you control stop your job you'll be able to sit next to back home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls. Toss in a a small amount of telemarketers, calls from the Sheriff's Association asking in support of donations, and a a small amount of of individuals computers with the purpose of call you and ask you to 'Hold in support of an weighty message' and you'll control a plump day of the week of merely answering the phone. It will be like having a full-time job all finished again, with no all the hassle of getting a pay.
5. Dragging manually not at home of bed all morning next to 5:45 a.M. Can't be lovely in support of your wellbeing. Your doctor will proud of you in support of caring a sufficient amount approaching your body's well-being to operate as far as quitting your job. He will not, however, see to it that you as a serene anymore as you veto longer control wellbeing insurance. But there's veto need to lose sleep, like all that's why we control limitless clinics. Sitting all day of the week in a damp clinic waiting scope after that to two teenagers with stage 3 Chlamydia is yet any more experience you would control missed not at home on if you had held in reserve your day of the week job.
There you control it people. 5 reasons why you be supposed to the minute operate not at home and stop your job. Feel limitless to line a few of these reasons to your employer what time you bend in your two weeks notice. If she wants to know somewhere you came across such valuable in a row tell her with the purpose of a unselfish ally of humanity supplied them to you limitless of charge, and all I asked in return was with the purpose of you remember me after that period you need your septic tank scrubbed...
1. If you bar working you'll control more period to dedicate to evaluation my articles, columns, and lists. This will enable me to befall a household choose down next to the Unemployment and Welfare offices. My fame is a small outlay to disburse in support of you living your dreams. Think approaching this what time you see to it that me on the 'Today Show'.
2. Quitting your job will promote to you feel wonderful. For approaching 10 minutes you'll be on cloud nine, you'll be on top of the earth, you'll be living the lovely life, you'll be: -insert your own cliche here-. Then you'll start worrying approaching the car mention, the mortgage, the kid's drill clothes, provisions, and how you're available to disburse with the purpose of $850 you owe the Petermanns in support of running finished their mailbox and a unbroken row of prize-winning azaleas. All this will probably depress you to the place of assisted suicide, but next to slightest you had 10 minutes of abandon.
3. Daytime television is a number of of the the majority exciting and charming television around. You'll wonder how you perpetually survived with no all individuals quality soap operas, daytime conference shows, and critic shows somewhere you persuade the sinking suspicion with the purpose of the critic has been paid sour. When you bloc this with all the informative commercials with the purpose of air for the period of the daytime with the purpose of will 'Show you how to promote to $1,000 a day of the week stuffing envelopes, 'Teach you to drive a tractor preview in 4 days', 'Allow you to persuade a degree from back home in such exciting fields as GED grounding and septic tank scrubber' and you'll not simply wonder why you didn't stop your job nearer, you'll plus vow to not at all piece again.
4. Taking part in your formerly employed state you missed all individuals weighty calls from collection agencies and other bill collectors. Now with the purpose of you control stop your job you'll be able to sit next to back home in eager anticipation of these oh-so-important calls. Toss in a a small amount of telemarketers, calls from the Sheriff's Association asking in support of donations, and a a small amount of of individuals computers with the purpose of call you and ask you to 'Hold in support of an weighty message' and you'll control a plump day of the week of merely answering the phone. It will be like having a full-time job all finished again, with no all the hassle of getting a pay.
5. Dragging manually not at home of bed all morning next to 5:45 a.M. Can't be lovely in support of your wellbeing. Your doctor will proud of you in support of caring a sufficient amount approaching your body's well-being to operate as far as quitting your job. He will not, however, see to it that you as a serene anymore as you veto longer control wellbeing insurance. But there's veto need to lose sleep, like all that's why we control limitless clinics. Sitting all day of the week in a damp clinic waiting scope after that to two teenagers with stage 3 Chlamydia is yet any more experience you would control missed not at home on if you had held in reserve your day of the week job.
There you control it people. 5 reasons why you be supposed to the minute operate not at home and stop your job. Feel limitless to line a few of these reasons to your employer what time you bend in your two weeks notice. If she wants to know somewhere you came across such valuable in a row tell her with the purpose of a unselfish ally of humanity supplied them to you limitless of charge, and all I asked in return was with the purpose of you remember me after that period you need your septic tank scrubbed...
Not to thud PlayStation
Not to thud PlayStation 2 or Xbox 360, but I control a decent PC. The consoles are approve in support of the kids, but I am pleased with a baby grand and mouse.
I drama online games to relax flanked by piece sessions on the supercomputer. I don't wish for to persuade up from the zombie to drama. Thankfully, in attendance are games on demand made in support of my PC.
Here are a number of of the reasons PC games on demand are available to trade the way the majority of us drama the most recent film and audio intensive games:
1. Instant Gratification. I can presentation the most recent games to see to it that what did you say? Appeals to me. When I learn a winner, I can pay for on the catch a glimpse of and download the complete game instantly. No waits. No trips to the shopping center to learn the game I wish for - if they control it in horses.
2. New expertise takes charge of the install. Some PC games can be a bear to install from a album or DVD. Why inconvenience. I downloaded a fast limitless player from Triton (http://www.Playtriton.Com), and I am using the most recent streaming expertise to start singing the most recent games on the disposable.
3. I can initiate singing plump games contained by minutes of pay for. Triton's player will download and install your contemporary game in the background using the fastest streaming approach media open these days. You don't control to delay in support of the complete game to download ahead of you initiate drama.
4. Automatic updates. When you login to your game, Triton robotically makes certainly you control the most recent and record version of your game and player. No more searching the Internet in support of updates. You persuade yours robotically in the background.
5. Worldwide availability. No problem somewhere you live in the earth, if you control a lovely PC and a broadband Internet connection, you control access to the unsurpassed games next to the same period as someone in addition. It doesn't problem if your indigenous supercomputer stockroom carries the game you wish for or if they sold not at home ahead of you went to acquisition. You are in control.
Since PCs persuade more powerful, and broadband becomes the international standard in support of accessing the Internet, it simply makes discern to move to a sooner, more economical approach method in support of keen limit games.
I drama online games to relax flanked by piece sessions on the supercomputer. I don't wish for to persuade up from the zombie to drama. Thankfully, in attendance are games on demand made in support of my PC.
Here are a number of of the reasons PC games on demand are available to trade the way the majority of us drama the most recent film and audio intensive games:
1. Instant Gratification. I can presentation the most recent games to see to it that what did you say? Appeals to me. When I learn a winner, I can pay for on the catch a glimpse of and download the complete game instantly. No waits. No trips to the shopping center to learn the game I wish for - if they control it in horses.
2. New expertise takes charge of the install. Some PC games can be a bear to install from a album or DVD. Why inconvenience. I downloaded a fast limitless player from Triton (http://www.Playtriton.Com), and I am using the most recent streaming expertise to start singing the most recent games on the disposable.
3. I can initiate singing plump games contained by minutes of pay for. Triton's player will download and install your contemporary game in the background using the fastest streaming approach media open these days. You don't control to delay in support of the complete game to download ahead of you initiate drama.
4. Automatic updates. When you login to your game, Triton robotically makes certainly you control the most recent and record version of your game and player. No more searching the Internet in support of updates. You persuade yours robotically in the background.
5. Worldwide availability. No problem somewhere you live in the earth, if you control a lovely PC and a broadband Internet connection, you control access to the unsurpassed games next to the same period as someone in addition. It doesn't problem if your indigenous supercomputer stockroom carries the game you wish for or if they sold not at home ahead of you went to acquisition. You are in control.
Since PCs persuade more powerful, and broadband becomes the international standard in support of accessing the Internet, it simply makes discern to move to a sooner, more economical approach method in support of keen limit games.
I control heard the rumblings
I control heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland approaching the up to date spike in gasoline prices. Taking part in information it's all I seem to hear approaching lately. But next to slightest it keeps you from echoing approaching pupuk hantu the uncommonness of my columns and articles. Nonetheless, I control unfaltering to try to help you persuade through this emergency by generously on condition that: 3 Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices!
1. Don't Drive Your Car
This is, of track, the the majority obvious solution. If you not at all take the old Plymouth not at home the driveway, so therefore it won't problem with the purpose of next to current swap gossip prices it takes $125 to fill up the 30 gallon swap gossip tank, or with the purpose of you simply persuade approaching 2.51 miles to the gallon. If you not at all drive, you might charge with a reduction of.
Of track, I know what did you say? ace max You're available to say. "But Tim, I control sitting room I need to go-like piece. And the kids control drill and soccer practice. And so therefore there's grocery shopping and yoga lesssons and banquet next to the Richardsons and blah blah blah and...." Ok, I persuade the place. Not one and all can sit around the dwelling copy not-so-funny articles and searching the Internet in support of Drew Barrymore
Photos like me. I fully understand with the purpose of a number of of you control a life. But merely as you don't drive your own car doesn't mean you can't persuade around. The answer?
2. Carpool
It's seems so down-to-earth without hesitation doesn't it. Instead of using your gas-Use Someone Elses! Have someone in addition disburse $5.50 a gallon in support of swap gossip to take your kids to drill. Make someone in addition dip into their retirement endowment merely so they can cover the swap gossip bill wanted to persuade you to the department and back everyday. Make someone in addition persuade a go along with job so with the purpose of they can control a plump tank of swap gossip in their SUV what time your daughter needs to cruise the shopping center. It's so down-to-earth.
Of track, the notion behind carpooling is with the purpose of one and all takes turns driving. So in a natural carpool site you would eventually be compulsory to employment your car and finish your money driving others around. But this is not a Normal Carpool Situation, this is a Tim Ward Carpool Situation (TWCPS). Taking part in a TWCPS you duck using your own car by making it so with the purpose of the other carpool participants would more exactly march barefoot on 120 degree tarmac than ride with you. You pull off this by:
(a) not at all washing or cleaning your car. Leave it looking and smelling like the province landfill.
(b) Have the most horrible behaved youngster in your family unit sitting in the front seat next to all epoch. Feed the youngster lots of chocolate so he/she is forever superhyper.
(c) Refuse to discuss something in your car except for your spouses bad bathing routine, physically fluids, hang nails, chest pelt, and so on.
(d) Only drama reggae melody on the data lines. Loud!
You shouldn't control to lose sleep approaching someone short to ride with you perpetually again.
3. Drive the Bus/Subway
Many cities control a main part transit scheme with the purpose of is an alternative to driving your own vehicle. If you live in a city with the purpose of doesn't control solitary don't worry-you can
Forever move. Of track, riding free transport does control a a small amount of drawbacks, but these can be with no trouble overcome if you go along these down-to-earth guidelines:
1. No problem what did you say? Happens not at all, perpetually promote to eye call with someone. Making eye call is an request in support of someone to mug you.
2. No problem what did you say? Happens not at all, perpetually dedicate up your seat to someone. This is seen as weakness, and will be taken as an request to mug you.
3. No problem how tempted you are not at all, perpetually smash into up a conversation with the person sitting after that or across from you. This is very frustrating and can be taken as an request in support of someone to mug you. Or worse, in support of someone to conference back.
4. Always promote to certainly you are alert to persuade on and sour next to the exact bar. Getting sour next to the unsuitable bar can have an advantage to immediate ambush.
5. Never, perpetually take children with you on free transport. Fellow passengers hate children. Children promote to you definite mug victim material.
Well, in attendance you control it. 3 ways to deal with rising swap gossip prices. Hopefully, you will be able to employment these methods to keep from expenses twice your car's Blue Book price merely available to Walmart. Hopefully, after that period your links are tetchy and ranting approaching the mounting swap gossip prices you will be able to
Merely sit back and smile, content as the spring veto longer concerns you. Hopefully, I've after more helped my loyal readers in a period of emergency. And all I ask in return as a simplethank you after that period you see to it that me. Just promote to certainly we're not on the van. I'd hate to control to mug you...
1. Don't Drive Your Car
This is, of track, the the majority obvious solution. If you not at all take the old Plymouth not at home the driveway, so therefore it won't problem with the purpose of next to current swap gossip prices it takes $125 to fill up the 30 gallon swap gossip tank, or with the purpose of you simply persuade approaching 2.51 miles to the gallon. If you not at all drive, you might charge with a reduction of.
Of track, I know what did you say? ace max You're available to say. "But Tim, I control sitting room I need to go-like piece. And the kids control drill and soccer practice. And so therefore there's grocery shopping and yoga lesssons and banquet next to the Richardsons and blah blah blah and...." Ok, I persuade the place. Not one and all can sit around the dwelling copy not-so-funny articles and searching the Internet in support of Drew Barrymore
Photos like me. I fully understand with the purpose of a number of of you control a life. But merely as you don't drive your own car doesn't mean you can't persuade around. The answer?
2. Carpool
It's seems so down-to-earth without hesitation doesn't it. Instead of using your gas-Use Someone Elses! Have someone in addition disburse $5.50 a gallon in support of swap gossip to take your kids to drill. Make someone in addition dip into their retirement endowment merely so they can cover the swap gossip bill wanted to persuade you to the department and back everyday. Make someone in addition persuade a go along with job so with the purpose of they can control a plump tank of swap gossip in their SUV what time your daughter needs to cruise the shopping center. It's so down-to-earth.
Of track, the notion behind carpooling is with the purpose of one and all takes turns driving. So in a natural carpool site you would eventually be compulsory to employment your car and finish your money driving others around. But this is not a Normal Carpool Situation, this is a Tim Ward Carpool Situation (TWCPS). Taking part in a TWCPS you duck using your own car by making it so with the purpose of the other carpool participants would more exactly march barefoot on 120 degree tarmac than ride with you. You pull off this by:
(a) not at all washing or cleaning your car. Leave it looking and smelling like the province landfill.
(b) Have the most horrible behaved youngster in your family unit sitting in the front seat next to all epoch. Feed the youngster lots of chocolate so he/she is forever superhyper.
(c) Refuse to discuss something in your car except for your spouses bad bathing routine, physically fluids, hang nails, chest pelt, and so on.
(d) Only drama reggae melody on the data lines. Loud!
You shouldn't control to lose sleep approaching someone short to ride with you perpetually again.
3. Drive the Bus/Subway
Many cities control a main part transit scheme with the purpose of is an alternative to driving your own vehicle. If you live in a city with the purpose of doesn't control solitary don't worry-you can
Forever move. Of track, riding free transport does control a a small amount of drawbacks, but these can be with no trouble overcome if you go along these down-to-earth guidelines:
1. No problem what did you say? Happens not at all, perpetually promote to eye call with someone. Making eye call is an request in support of someone to mug you.
2. No problem what did you say? Happens not at all, perpetually dedicate up your seat to someone. This is seen as weakness, and will be taken as an request to mug you.
3. No problem how tempted you are not at all, perpetually smash into up a conversation with the person sitting after that or across from you. This is very frustrating and can be taken as an request in support of someone to mug you. Or worse, in support of someone to conference back.
4. Always promote to certainly you are alert to persuade on and sour next to the exact bar. Getting sour next to the unsuitable bar can have an advantage to immediate ambush.
5. Never, perpetually take children with you on free transport. Fellow passengers hate children. Children promote to you definite mug victim material.
Well, in attendance you control it. 3 ways to deal with rising swap gossip prices. Hopefully, you will be able to employment these methods to keep from expenses twice your car's Blue Book price merely available to Walmart. Hopefully, after that period your links are tetchy and ranting approaching the mounting swap gossip prices you will be able to
Merely sit back and smile, content as the spring veto longer concerns you. Hopefully, I've after more helped my loyal readers in a period of emergency. And all I ask in return as a simplethank you after that period you see to it that me. Just promote to certainly we're not on the van. I'd hate to control to mug you...
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